A Call to Love

Boys.

They’re the topic that seems to come up every time you’re in a group of girls. As someone who does youth ministry and spends a lot of time with teenage girls, I have witnessed boy conversations more times than I can count.

Everyone is fairly quiet, but then someone brings up a boy. All at once, everyone is passionately sharing their boy stories and giving each other advice. Teenage girls are not the only ones guilty of this though.

I went to a private Christian university. One of the most popular topics of discussion was, who is going out for coffee this week, and who is getting a ring by spring? Every single interaction with a potential boyfriend (or even potential husband) is analyzed. By the end of the first date, they have already decided if he’s “the one” or not.

Before I go any further, I want to pause.

I am writing this for several reasons. First of all, this is something that has been on my heart and mind for a while. There are countless articles, statuses, and opinions on how guys should treat girls. Men are constantly blamed for objectifying women. Now, these are serious issues. Women deserve to be treated as daughters of the King. They are not objects, but human beings made in the image of God.

However, there is another side of this that is frequently overlooked.

As much as men objectify and use women, women do the same thing to men. They view them as potential boyfriends and husbands, but are quick to dismiss them as soon as they don’t meet their list of “20 Things I Want in my Future Husband”.

They lead guys on so that they will fulfill that emotional longing that every girl has, but then drop them the next minute when they don’t satisfy that longing.

I am writing this to Christian women. This is for women who are single, married, or in between. The way we treat men matters immensely. We cannot continue using men and showing them favor only when it is convenient for us.

Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 16:14, “Let all that you do be done in love.” I am not claiming to know the answers for every situation and relationship, but I do know one thing. As followers of Christ, we are called to treat everyone with love.

Roles of Men and Women

           

We live in a world where gender is questioned and offensive. If someone says they want to be a different gender, culture is quick to embrace their newfound identity.

However, God created and designed us in very specific ways. Genesis 1:27 says, “So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.”

God purposefully made both man and woman. He made them in such a way that complements each other. Genesis 2:18 says, “Then the Lord God said, ‘It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.’”

He gave them each roles that, when followed, portrays a beautiful picture of Christ and the church. Understanding these roles is vital.

In Ephesians 5:22-33, Paul writes, “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.’ This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.”

Here we see very distinct roles for both women and men. Women are to submit to their husbands. What does submit mean? The dictionary defines it as, “to give over or yield to the power or authority of another”. This means that the husband is the leader. Women are to follow the leadership of their husbands in the same way that the church follows the leadership of Christ.

Men also have a role to play. They are to love their wives like Christ loved the church.

Christ died for the church.

When a wife is following her husband no matter the circumstance, and a husband is loving his wife with everything that he has, there is a beautiful picture of the Gospel on display.  

Brothers in Christ

Something I have witnessed far too many times are girls being very flirtatious and friendly to a guy, and then when that guy doesn’t satisfy her or she decides he’s not “the one”, she drops him and never speaks to him again.

Another common scenario is when a girl knows that a guy is totally into her, and she leads him on even though she does not feel the same way. She keeps him hanging until a “better” guy comes along so that she does not have to go through single times.

These scenarios are far too common, even among Christian girls. This should not be. The motives fueling these scenarios are completely selfish, and not out of love.

Our identity as followers of Christ should not only shape how we treat a guy that we’re interested in, but also guys we are not interested in. No matter our feelings toward them, they are our brothers in Christ. This should drastically affect how we treat them.

1 John 4:12 says, “If anyone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen.”

As Christians, we are called to treat everyone in love. If we say we love God but do not treat our brothers in Christ with love, we are hypocrites.