How to Love

There is a lot of confusion and awkwardness regarding how to treat and act around a guy that you are not interested in. There are not exact Bible verses that say, “Do not lead a guy on or wear yoga pants.”

However, if you have a foundation to start from, a lot of the answers to these grey areas fall into place.

What is the foundation we should start from? Think back to 1 Corinthians 16:14.

“Let all that you do be done in love.”

So, when we are confronted with grey areas that the Bible doesn’t directly address, we can ask the question, “Am I acting out of love, or out of something else?”

The following topics are some of those grey areas that can tend to stir up controversy. However, when we look at these matters and ask how we can respond in love, the answers seem to fall into place.

Leading Them On

One of the most common fears is the fear of being alone. Some people will go to extreme lengths to ensure that they never have to be alone. This fear manifests itself in the pattern of never being single, or at least constantly having someone to flirt with.

We all know those people who are dating someone one week, and then the next week are dating someone else.

Or maybe, you are that person.

This pattern is both selfish and destructive. Frequently, a girl and guy will be friends, and the girl is fully aware that he wants to be more than friends. However, she does not feel the same way. Despite this, she flirts with him in order to keep his attention. She leads him on, getting his hopes up.

He eventually works up the courage to ask her out and she says no. She liked the attention and having someone to flirt with, but was not interested in being more than friends with him.

Another common scenario is similar, except the girl says yes. She knows she’s not interested in the guy, but says yes so that she has a boyfriend. After dating him for a while, she still isn't happy. She  ends the relationship when it shouldn’t have began in the first place.

Neither of these scenarios are motivated by love.

Leading a guy on gets his hopes up of a future relationship. If a girl knows that a certain guy is interested in her when she doesn’t feel the same, the loving thing to do is avoid flirting with him, and also say no if he asks her out.

Saying yes would only lead them on, and lead them into deeper heartbreak when they face rejection later on.

Modesty in Dress

Dressing modestly is extremely important. It breaks my heart to see Christian women dress in ways that are not modest, and even vocalize their opinions on the topic. As Christian women, we should not be saying that we can dress however we want. This shows no regard for helping our brothers in Christ.

Guys think differently than girls do. Seeing a scantily dressed woman causes them to stumble, which hinders their relationship with Christ. So with this, what would the loving thing to do be?

The loving thing is to dress in a way that will not cause our brothers to stumble.

As a Christian woman, dressing scandalously and not thinking of how it affects the men around you basically communicates that you truly don’t care about their walk with the Lord and care more about yourself and attention that you’re trying to get.

Romans 14, specifically verse 13, speaks about causing someone to stumble. It says, “Therefore let us not pass judgment on one another any longer, but rather decide never to put a stumbling block or hindrance in the way of a brother.”

If you know that something hurts a brother in Christ, it is obvious that we should not do it. Dressing inappropriately causes men to stumble. Therefore, out of love for our brother, we must dress modestly.            

In addition, this issue of modesty goes further than protecting our brothers. It also involves respecting yourself, and letting people respect you.

You are worth far more than outward beauty and attracting attention by how you look. Don’t let your value come from how you look and dress; let your value come from your heart for Jesus and who you are in Christ.

1 Peter 3:3-4 says, “Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious.”

Dressing modestly does not get every guys attention. However, it does get the right guy's attention. You may not have a boyfriend now, but a man who is seeking a godly wife will recognize the beauty that is in your heart. The right guy will look for things that are far deeper than just outward beauty.